~Stopping to sip some ice tea...~
When we first held our son, I remember thinking how gorgeous he was and then this terrifying and overwhelming realization hit me that I was responsible for this little bundle of joy!
He would count on me for everything - I imagine most new parents go through this.
Since our baby was adopted, he would use bottles and I was so freaked out over the thought that I might heat the water too hot - I'd boil water, fill the bottle with water from the refrigerator filter, then set the cold bottle inside the boiling water to heat up the formula and take it out when it became hot and set it aside until it was cool enough to give to the baby...
Of course if I was to do it now, I'd just put luke-warm water in the bottle and give it to the baby. :) (I know, genius...)
Oh the silly things we learn as we settle into becoming a parent!
There were also nights we would stay awake all night to sit by his crib just to make sure he was breathing, we were so nervous.
The first time I took him out, someone said, "He's so cute! Why would his real mother not want him?"
Ummm - I did want him - cute or not - his looks didn't matter to me, I was happy to be chosen by God to be his mother. To be honest, though, I knew what this person meant, they wanted to know about our sons' birth mother. How could I possibly go into the diatribe about how she does love him, how she had prayed and hoped for a family for her son and when she saw our family profile, she said, "Yes, this is his family!" How could I possibly explain how much she loves him and how difficult it was for her during the first week of his life as he was in foster care waiting for her to chose a family for him? We were in a Walmart check-out line for petes' sake there was simply no time for explanations. LoL
After that careless statement by that stranger, I realized that from that moment on, we would meet people who wouldn't know so-called 'appropriate adoption language'.
And I realized that some people would never consider me his 'real' mother because there would always be another mother out there - a mother who had made the most difficult decision of her life - a mother who was so selfless that she entrusted another family to raise her child.
I also realized that all the adoption books were right, that most likely this little baby that I stayed up all night watching him to make sure he was breathing and that he didn't have to have a wet diaper on for one second, a child that I held, rocked, sung lullaby's to would want to meet his birth mother - the sense that I would never be enough in his life - that I was 2nd best - was crushing and brought many tears.
Hind sight being what it is though, I look back on this time because it also caused me to draw closer to God.
Through prayer, searching the scriptures, reading and contemplation, I've realized I'm not 2nd best, I am the best for my children - God entrusted them to me to be their mother. He gave 3 different women the strength to place their baby for adoption. I am so grateful for them and for the drops of love they gave me. These children are so precious and every day I am grateful to be their mom!
Well, this post ended up being a little different than what I originally set out to write, but wanted to share with you my heart.
May God bless you and may we all remember that this month is a time of reflection and prayer for those who have adopted and/or fostered as well as those who are planning to take that path. Of course, our prayers should also include all the children waiting for their family. Maybe it's yours! :)
